Focusing on the light


I felt as the blood was rushing fast in my veins that left me shaking, but I did it this time, my legs didn't betray me like those other times, I ran for the postman, he was an old man, wrinkles cover his face but his smile was always crossing his face as the sun crosses the clouds on fire, He gave me the letter.
"thank you Mr.Sharley" I said, and he gave me a wink in return and wished a good day for me.
even when he was out of my site, my body didn't seem to obey me. Do you think I’ll ever get better at this? That my heart might someday stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever I receive a letter from you?
I didn't let myself open the letter near any existent person, so I escaped away to the place when I can be alone, running with all my feet can manage, crossing the forest not realizing that it is getting darker and colder, sometimes there was nothing but trees, and then there would suddenly be a breathtaking glimpse of the  Ocean, reaching to the horizon, dark gray under the clouds. I stopped because my lungs can't be filled with any Extra oxygen and because I reached the top of the cliffs that bordered the beach here. I forgot about the pain I was feeling in my legs and lungs once I saw the view that seemed to stretch on forever, this was my kingdom of isolation. it is already dark, Tonight the sky was utterly black, the thick clouds that letting any chance for the moon to appear and yet the wind that blows faster and harder. it didn't matter for me because I know that this place will never fail amazing me with its beauty, promising me that it won't change until you come and see that beauty by yourself.
I took the flashlight from my pocked that my mother always insist to take it with me. and for glimpse I thought about her and that she might be so worried about me, but it didn't matter, I'm in no position to think of any one but you, any thing but your letter, I opened it, reading your words, moving from one to another like a butterfly looking for pollen, like a ballet girl choosing her steps Smoothly to give the best performance ever.
it is something I have always enjoyed doing, reading your words, like if it was the only way destiny chose for me so I got to know you, to feel that you really exist.
you started your letter with a quote for Aristotle Onassis "It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light."  be well and focus on the light inside you.
why would he say this ? I reread those lines dozens of time before I decided to continue reading, the wind is howling like this swirling storm, it was "I wanted to be rich, but simple all what I got" the last line I read before the winds decide that it is enough for me reading and taking the letter from my hand, It was like someone had died- like I had died. Because it had been more than just losing the truest of true thing, as if that were not enough to kill anyone. It was also losing a whole future, a whole family- the whole life that I'd chosen, 
I felt pinned down by the pressure of the storm. Everything swirled around me, The air had a faint electric charge—I could feel the static in my hair. I stared in disbelief as the letter flying in the sky begging me to reach and bring it back to its place, to my shaky hands that I can't feel them now. I was running toward the letter, not seeing a thing, everything stopped, the latter was the center of the world, and I must have it back, I stepped out to the edge, keeping my eyes on the letter in front of me, fading away, getting further and further.
 
photo by lucie drlikova
AND THIS HAPPENED
 I screamed as I dropped through the open air like a meteor. The wind resisted, trying vainly to fight the unconquerable gravity, pushing against me and twirling me in spirals like a rocket crashing to the earth.
it is when I realized I was leaping into space. felling for what seemed like an eternity to me, finally sliced  through the surface of the water, cutting smoothly into the dark gray waves below.
That was when the current caught me.
It felt like the waves were fighting over me, jerking me back and forth between them as if determined to share by pulling me into halves. black angry water in every direction; there was no brightness to direct me upward.
Gravity was all-powerful when it competed with the air, it is when I didn't want to fight anymore. And it wasn't the light-headedness, or the cold, or the failure of my arms as the muscles gave out in exhaustion, that made me content to stay where I was.
 it was the letter, the busy place which has suddenly gone calm and I am on the no set to leave it. how can I ? it's peaceful in the deep, cathedral where you cannot breathe, no need to pray and no need to speak. just me and the letter that suddenly got scattered in pieces shining like stars and lighting me up like Venus. it is when I realized this, YOUR WORDS ARE THE LIGHT I NEED TO FOCUS ON.
 ( I know where it exists, hope you like yours)


To be continued 

الهالة المقدسة

لقد صرح في وقت مضى الكاتب الأمريكي جون قرين كالتالي:"في بعض الأحيان، عندما تقرأ كتابا ويملأك بحماس غريب،  لتصبح مقتنعا بأن العالم المحطم لن يصلح مرة أخرى حتى يقوم سكان المعمورة بقراءة هذا الكتاب.". فرغم أنانيتي التي اشعر بها حاليا في إخفاء هذا الكتاب وكأنه شيء مقدس أخاف عليه من الانتقادات من نفوس لا يعرف الرضا و الأمل طريقا لها. لدي تلك الرغبة الجامحة في اقتراحه على مل شخص في حياتي. لأني متأكدة انه سيشكل ككتابات حنان لاشين السابقة في النفوس تأثيرا و ستدغدغك حتى و ان أنكرت ذلك و ما امهرها أم البنين في فهم الروح.

الهالة المقدسة, كتاب سيأسرك منذ اللحظة الأولى التي تنظر إلى الغلاف و تتساءل عن الهالة المقدسة, انها شيء جميل, هذا ما حدثت به نفسي لقناعتي أن أم البنين حنان لاشين ستأخذني عبر كتاباتها إلى ركن وردي غير السائد عند الناس في كونه عالم خاص فقط بالإناث و طلاء الأظافر و الأميرات, انه عالم أين  تتوقف لوهلة من افتراس جملها التي أتعطش لها و تقول "واو إن هذا العالم رائع" رغبتي في القفز من سطر إلى أخر من شدة حماسي حتى أني لم أضع الكتاب حتى أكملته.




Blind Promises

Blind Promises

3 stars for : 


That was the end ? where is the end ? 

I wanted if the author continued with their marriage, n their lives after.
5 stars for the Language.."no comments"

November 9


November 9


Beloved #1 New York times bestselling author Colleen Hoover succeeding again to deliver a story that is impossible to put down. November 9th This Novel is not just a simply date for Fallon O’Neill. Is the day her life changed irrevocably, is the day that changed her forever, is the day she would give anything to forget. But is also the date when she met Benton James Kessler. college student, an aspiring novelist, a boy for whom November 9 has a certain significance. 
The story flowed fantastically well and the time jumps never felt too much. At times it was intense, angsty. What I didn’t like too much was the drama – unnecessary drama I could say. It was too much IMO

غباء لاوعي


Can Suffering Inspire You?




Art out Of Pain
"the artist takes in the world, but instead of being oppressed by it, he reworks it in his own personality and recreates it in the work of art" Ernest Becker


There was a great scene in a movie and these two brothers that wished to become writers, We start learning about the story of their unfolding lives, the drama of their every day. One of the guys falls in love, and then his girlfriend commits suicide; something utterly tragic, erupts in his life, and the then the film continues, and, all in sudden, there's a scent that shows him frantically writing down. and the narrator tells us he felt guilty over the creativity triggered by his lover's death.


This notion that tragedy can lead to breakthrough, can lead to rebirth, that the instances of suffering in our lives can actually inspire us to make beautiful art is a sort of paradoxical ecstasy. We can take our wounds and we can turn them into something larger, that we need not have suffered in vain game, is a wild idea, because it doesn't mean that we are happy for our suffering.


It doesn't mean that we wished for these tragic things to happen to us as artists, but it means that we're able to take that pain, take that aching rhapsody and output something in the world and make a contribution, because at least that way, we validate the fact that we exist. we affirm ourselves.


We have no choice but to do so, in the face of entropy, in the face of death, to not say that we exist is to not live at all.

Jason Silva - Sots of awe

The looking glass self



In the age of social media, people increasingly get to have the sense of authorship over how they present themselves to the world, you’r carefully curated instagram feed, your facebook profile pictures, these are ways in which you essentially get to dictate, you get to construct the way that other people perceive you, and this raises all kinds of questions about the fluidity of our identity about how we interface with other minds and other people and it raises all kinds of questions about authenticity, authentic exchanges. 

Who m I? and so the philosopher by the last name of Cooley, he wrote about the looking glass self theory and basically what he said is that we come to be through the interactions that we have with other people, by making models of the other person’s mind. In other words, he says:”I’m not who I think I’m, I’m not who you think I’m, I’m who I think you think I’m”. In other words, we make renderings of what other people think of us and actually play the role of becoming we think they think we are, but in the end we never actually get to know other people’s minds, all we get to know is the modeling of their modeling of us. 

So in the end of the day, we live inside a construct of our own making. I guess perhaps what we should do is come clean about this fact and stop asking questions about authenticity in the ways that we present ourselves artfully on social media and instead accept the fact that identity is a fluid act of improvisation and that the self is not a solid thing and never has been. Now again,


I’m not who I think I’m, I’m not who you think I’m,  I’m who I think you think I’m. Wrap you head around that one 



Jason Silva - shots of awe